Here is a challenging way to work towards forgiveness. This method is not appropriate for every situation; however, it can help you let go of unwanted anger and resentments. Only start this process when you are ready. You need to be safe and away from all and any danger. In addition, you need to be ready to let go; at the point where enough is enough already.
Start by reviewing your story, the narrative you tell yourself about what the person did to offend you or cause you hurt and harm. Now, and here is the challenge, what do you do, have done, or have not done, specifically or in general, that is in any way similar to what this person has done and for which you have not apologized or asked forgiveness? If you cannot think of anything, what do you do or have done that may have offended or hurt another for which you have not apologized or asked for forgiveness? If you still cannot think of anything then how can the person who offended you harm someone so perfect?
Do you do, not do, or have done this thing because you are a vicious representation of ultimate evil sent to destroy humanity? On the other hand, is it because you are an ordinary human being who sometimes says and does thing that you later regret? Can you forgive yourself for being an ordinary human who makes mistakes, perhaps even ignorantly and unknowingly?
Now, does the person who hurt you do, not do, or have done that thing because they are an inhuman representation of ultimate evil sent to destroy you? Alternatively, is it plausible that it is because they are an ordinary human being who sometimes say and do things that they later regret? If you can forgive yourself for your shortcomings, then can you forgive others for theirs, even if they are ignorant of their shortcomings?
When you forgive someone, I rarely recommend you approach the person and tell him or her that you forgave them, unless they have asked for forgiveness. Have you every had someone tell you that they forgive you when you felt you have done nothing wrong? They may not believe that they need your forgiveness but more importantly, remember; forgiveness is for you, so that you can move on with your life and open up life for new growth and opportunity.
If you need help forgiving someone or letting go of anger and resentment, please feel free to call (805) 637-4263 or send me an email.